


The boundary between love and trust

by eternalparadox (paradoxicallysimplistic)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Loss of Trust, M/M, Multiple Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxicallysimplistic/pseuds/eternalparadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five months ago, Eren breaks up with Levi, being fed up with the broken promises and constant number of times Levi is late. Believing himself to have moved on, one day he he finds himself coming across something that makes him regret his decision. Quickly, he realizes that things might not have been what they seemed.</p><p>Is it too late to fix things and will they have a second chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Truths and Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hi - this is my first piece on AO3, so I hope I tagged it appropriately. I'm working on some other pieces at the same time, but I woke up one morning and everything except for ending(s) practically wrote itself. This is a Levi/Eren story, told mainly in Eren's 3rd POV. BUT... they're not together.
> 
> The main story is in Chapters 1 and 2 with a brief timeskip between them. **There are 2 endings.** Feel free to read both, but Chapter 3 is what I call the "true" ending and Chapter 4 is the "happy" ending. I tried to make them somewhat similar in nature, and let me know if the last bit of imagery makes sense!  
> 
> 
>   1. True ending: I like this better (perversely), because as hard as I tried, it was very difficult for me to (while imagining myself in Levi's shoes) come up with a good reason to forgive and trust again. It also fits better and focusses a bit more on Eren's realization of the poor choices in life; which I hope all of you guys reading it will take with a some grain of truth. The smallest decisions we make can and will ripple out in unimaginable ways. I tried to avoid it being too dark (read the notes with that chapter), but it fit better with the flow of things (re: Levi's conversation near the end; and the motifs). Skip this if you don't want to deal with character death, angst, etc.
>   2. Happy ending: But, like most SnK fans, I want a happy ending. There's enough death in their world, so those who hate angst and want a lighter, fluffier read (with a brief mention of smut), skip onto Chapter 4.
> 

> 
> \----------------------------------------  
> Also, I've tried to keep a running motif of _wings/freedom_ (SnK) and the _difference between trust and love_ ( **it'll make the endings that much more meaningful if you keep an eye out** ). Also, true to the SnK theme, it's not a light and fluffy read. With the exception of Levi's unusual care towards others (Petra, Erwin - which are expected; and some other stranger), I've tried to remain generally consistent with the characters (taking into account the situation of course).

“Whoever this is, fuck off. It’s not even five in the morning.”

Hanging up, he collapsed his head into the mattress and shut his eyes. It was barely five am.

Within seconds, the incessant _Crazy Frog_ tune rang out again, and he picked it up ready to commit murder, when a cool, neutral voice sounded on the other end.

“I’m moving out in ten days, so if you want any of your things come and pick them up by Friday. I know you don’t want to see me, so just let yourself in with the key. I’ll be at work and sorry for waking you up –” There was a slight pause and Eren could make out the sound of a small breathless sigh. “Just leave the keys on the table before you leave.”

The line went silent.

Eren stared at the phone for a moment. He had broken up with his boyfriend of three years more than five months ago. It was supposed to be their anniversary, but Levi was late. Again. The same way he was late for their Valentine’s dinner or for his birthday. They had discussed the heavy workload and he _had_ forgiven Levi’s propensity to overwork. But there was something disheartening about dating someone who didn’t make the time.

Hell, Levi had promised that he would leave work early and be home by six for dinner that day. And yet again, he was late. It had been more than two hours before Eren had had enough, and left to stay with Mikasa.

They had broken up that night.

 

* * *

 

Looking through the cupboard, he saw a small teal bag in the corner. It hadn’t been there the last time he was in the apartment, and there hadn’t been any signs of another person.

Picking it up, he noted the brand on the side – _Tiffany & Co._ He had never seen the bag before in his life and why would Levi buy something from the famous diamond jeweler? He looked inside, and all he saw was a bunch of receipts. At the bottom was a small black box. A breath caught and his fingers trembled as he went to open the small casket.

Inside, sat a silver ring with what looked to be a diamond in the center. On the edges of the centerpiece were wings – one studded with small blue stones and the other with small white ones. It reminded Eren of what he had always dreamed of – to fly above the skies and look beyond the walls.

He felt his legs wobble and he sat back on the bed. Tears were forming in his eyes and he had to cover his mouth to prevent himself from making a sound.

Putting it down gently on his lap, he looked at the receipts. They were dated the afternoon of their anniversary. The first one, from Tiffany, was timestamped a little after four pm. Reading through the rest, he noticed the times on them were also in the afternoon on the same day. The Vosges Haut-Chocolat brand he loved, around four-thirty. There was one for flowers, and another for the most famous dessert restaurant in New York.

Was it all his fault? He had never really talked things through with Levi that night. And his ex had tried to call him so many times right after. He just never replied, knowing that the sound of the dark-haired man’s voice could easily lure him back.

A voice broke him out of his reverie.

“Hey babe, you done in there?”

When there was no reply, footsteps slowly padded towards him. He turned his head, but his sight was blurred from all the tears.

“Eren, what’s wrong?” Gentle hands cupped his cheeks and he didn’t know what to do. Marco was been one of his university with an outgoing personality. The exact opposite of Levi. Eren knew that Marco had had a crush on Jean for the longest time, and finally gave up when Jean showed no sign of reciprocating. He had been there for Eren after the breakup, offering a shoulder to cry on, and they had started going out only a few weeks prior.

Eren weakly looked down towards the open box on his lap, which had been partially covered from all the receipts. His current boyfriend immediately saw the ring and inhaled sharply.

“Is that…?” he asked weakly.

“I don’t know…” His head was in a whirl. Levi and he had joked about marriage on a few occasions, but never discussed it seriously.

“Are you okay? Should I go and call Mikasa or Armin?”

“N-no. I-I just don’t know what to believe anymore…” he harshly tugged Marco’s hands away.

“What are you saying Eren? That you want to break up because you found something in the drawer that your ex-boyfriend left there?”

“T-that’s not it!” he cried, hands grabbing at his messy hair. His thoughts were jumbled and his emotions were going crazy. He had known Levi for so long it was difficult to wade through all his past memories – happy and unhappy – of his ex and the current ones he had.

“Then what? I thought you were over him already.”

“I am! M-Marco, it’s my first time seeing it. You have to believe me!”

“I do, but what am I supposed to believe when you’re about to cry over seeing a ring that your ex bought because he might have wanted to propose to you? I thought you had agreed to a fresh start with me!”

“M-Marco… pl–”

For once, he regretted asking his friend-cum-boyfriend, to come with him. Mikasa and Armin’s were completely packed and there was no way he was asking horse-face. He had played with the idea of coming alone, but there was probably too much stuff and he really, really didn’t know how he would react if Levi was there.

“Please what? It might not even be for you!” His boyfriend huffed and crossed his arms. “You’ve moved on, who’s to say he hasn’t.”

A part of Eren wanted to cry out that Levi would never be so unfaithful, before he remembered that they _had_ broken up. Or rather, he had broken up with Levi. His ex had tried to call and text countless times after, but as Armin had advised, the best way was the cleanest.

His mine was filled with so many ‘what ifs’ and Marco’s pleading tone that neither of them heard the door open a few minutes ago. When someone cleared their throats behind them, two pairs of eyes whirled in shock to find narrow grey eyes staring back at them.

“Sorry to interrupt your little _tête–à–tête_ , but I need to finish cleaning up the apartment, so if you have all your things, please leave.”

“Eren c’mon.” Marco pulled on his boyfriend’s arm weakly. “We grabbed most of the important things already. You said it yourself, there isn’t much left here anyways. Only a bunch of broken memories.”

He flinched as his own words were thrown back at him.

“B-but…” The brunette gaze danced from the box and ring in his lap to his former lover in the doorway. A part of him as angry at the prospect that his ex was always late coming back home, and the one time Levi did return early, he had caught Eren crying.

Another tug at his arm.

“M-Marco, just give me a minute okay?”

Before either of them could open their mouths again, the owner of the apartment interrupted.

“Should I come back in an hour? Maybe then, you’ll have gotten your shit together?”

He turned back to see narrow grey eyes stare at him in a mix of annoyance and frustration. Afraid of what his former lover might do, he hurriedly pocketed the box. He almost thought there was a fleeting sense of sorrow in those eyes, before Levi turned around and left.

“I’ll be back in an hour. You’d better be gone when I’m back.”

The front door slammed shut with the knell of finality.

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry Eren, but it’s company policy not to disclose private information to strangers.”

“I’m not a stranger Petra! You know me – I’ve come in several times in the last three years with Levi. We’ve even chatted at the holiday parties.”

“That was more than half a year ago Eren. Things change.” She turned to pick up the phone. “Now do I have to call security to escort you out, or will you leave on your own? This is a private workplace, and there’s no reason for you to be here.”

He was flabbergasted at the cold shoulder. Petra had always been one of the nicest people he had known. As he turned around to walk away, he saw a familiar ponytail of brown hair waiting by the elevators.

“Hange!”

For once the crazy scientist didn’t turn and run to hug him. Hange pivoted and gave him the strangest, most indecipherable look, as if he were a specimen in a microscope.

“Eren. ”

“Can you tell me if Levi’s in? I need to talk to him.”

“Levi’s not in today.”

“Do you know when he’ll be back? Or could I leave him a message? I tried calling him, but it seems like he changed his number.” Eren felt the assessing brown eyes fall on him as the elevator opened. After a moment, Hange stepped in and sighed, waving for Eren to follow.

“No idea, but Erwin would know.”

“Err… sure?” he had never seen Hange so quiet and neutral sounding.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming.” A message was quickly tapped into the cellphone. Most of the times the scientist had been silent, there had been an air brimming full of excitement and curiosity. There was none of that this time.

Neither of them spoke another word as they ascended the thirty or so floors. When he got off, the floor was silent. You could hear the keys flying off the desks and the vibrations of phones going off. He met a few curious gazes as Hange brought him to Erwin’s office. Others were similar to Petra, cold and assessing. It was so different from the reception he had the last time he had been there.

Hange quickly dropped him off at Erwin’s office and shut the door wordlessly.

“Erwin, can you tell –” The blonde raised his hand and waved Eren to take a seat. Grudgingly, he sat down. Before he could speak, Erwin opened his mouth.

“Look Eren, I know what you want to say, and I’m sure it has something to do Levi, but hear me out first.” Eren nodded reluctantly. “I like you, as a person. I really do. I want to help you, but I can’t in good faith tell you how to contact one of my best friends, especially since even I _can’t_ predict what he’ll do. And I know the man pretty well.”

“What do you mean?” The brunette furrowed his brows. “He seemed okay when I saw him last week…”

“ _Seemed_ being the key word here Eren.” See the look of confusion on the brunette’s face, the taller man sighed ad rubbed his temples. “I think I should start at the beginning… A few months ago, Levi was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He was breaking out in smiles and humming in a way that was contagious. And Levi never smiles at work. He even finishes early that day and he asks me for advice…”

Bright blue eyes bored into Eren’s aquamarine ones.

“Advice… about what?”

“Marriage,” At the word, all Eren could think about was that Levi _had_ intended to propose… and like the brat he was, he had broken up with the man on the same day.

“…rings, the whole nine yards.” Erwin didn’t notice the brunette’s pause and continued. “The following Monday he comes in with bloodshot eyes, looking disheveled and broken. He never told Hange and I what you said, but I have some idea of what you might have happened. A month later, he comes into my office and imagine my surprise when he tells me he wants to head start the new special operations office, I had offered to him months before, on the west coast.”

“Wait! He’s moving to the west coast?” _Levi was leaving New York?_ Eren’s gut clenched at the thought of never seeing the grey-eyed, dark-haired man before. “W-what? When?”

“Eren, does it even matter?” Another sigh. “He left on Monday.”

“B-but, I still need to ask him something!”

“You had five months to ask whatever it is. And

“Erwin… please… I need to talk to him.”

“And tell him what exactly? It certainly can’t be because you’re still in love with him. The three of us – Hange, Levi, and I – know you’ve moved on. We saw you on a date two weeks ago with that big brown-haired friend of yours.”

“But that was before–”

“Before what?”

Numbly, Eren fished out the black box that had been burning a hole in his pocket the last week. Erwin’s eyes widened a bit, but he didn’t change his tone.

“Eren, just because you’ve found a ring that may or may not have been for you, doesn’t mean it changes anything.”

“But if I had known!”

“So what if you had known? I doubt it would change anything. He was the personification of the walking dead, Eren. Aside from last week, have you even seen Levi at all?” At the shake of his head, Erwin continued. “Then you certainly don’t know how he changed after your breakup. I think for the first week, he had still held onto some thread of hope, but after that he become a completely different person. I’ve seen Levi cope with a lot in his life – his mother’s death, uncle’s cruelty, being beaten up – but I’d never seen him so… broken. It looked like he could collapse at any point. Sure he came to work, but he merely went through the motions of living. Work was all he did, probably because it kept his mind off things. He wouldn’t eat, it didn’t look like he slept, and he drank. He didn’t even bother with cleaning…”

At Eren’s look of shock, he continued. Levi would never abandon cleaning. It was his life’s blood.

“We even had to send him to the hospital because he fainted at work back in mid-May. He had to be hospitalized for a week because there was so much liquor in his system. They were amazed his liver was still working and he was actually rational. Most people would have died of alcohol poisoning with that amount. Besides, what would you do if you saw him? Apologize? Ask to get back together? You’ve certainly taken your sweet time if that was your intention.”

“I don’t know, but I _need_ to see him… to apologize, at the very least.”

“I know you feel guilty, especially after having found a ring that probably was for you.” Erwin grimaced internally. He _knew_ Levi had intended that ring for Eren that day, but there was no point in beating the dead horse. That ship had already sailed. “But I don’t think you get what I’m trying to tell you. As you might know, Levi’s never been the most open book, but he was so morose and apathetic at times, Hange and I were on worried he was going to do something to himself. Luckily he didn’t, but I certainly won’t let you meet with him now that my best friend has only recently gotten back on his feet. Eren, do you really want him to fall so soon after regaining his wings?”

“Erwin please… I know it’s my fault and I really don’t want to hurt him. I just need to talk to him. I know I shouldn’t have broke things off with him so suddenly, but I was just so angry. After everything we’d been through together, I thought that perhaps he didn’t care anymore. We had made arrangements on all those times – my birthday, or Valentines, or even on our anniversary – and I just thought he didn’t care since he was too busy to care…” he trailed off incoherently.

“I certainly don’t know what happened on your anniversary, but even you have to admit that he would never do something like ditching you for work. He was late on your birthday because I had been hit by a car and broke my arm while we were out getting your gift. As for Valentine’s, I suspect it was because Petra was going into premature labor while they were at a site visit and he was the only one there.”

Seeing the despair on the younger man’s face, Erwin couldn’t help but feel sorry for the brunette.

“I’ll let him know you wanted to talk, but I can make no other promises.”

Eren nodded, his head still mulling over the events he had never heard of. None of it sounded new, but this was the first time he had heard that many details about what happened. Levi had only mentioned ‘shitty eyebrows’ and ‘Petra’s baby’ rather reluctantly. His heart pounded painfully in his chest.

“Now unless you have anything else to say, I have a conference call to prepare for.”

As he walked out the door, only one thought echoed hauntingly in his mind.

_What have I done…?_


	2. Hope and despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... the 2 finally have a little chat about everything. Some truths are revealed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot more angst. Sorry! Tried to make it an emotional roller coaster, hope I succeeded. Kind of failed on the keeping some of the themes... was a bit hard when you're writing a really angsty part focused on the speeches.
> 
>  **One of the key things I wanted to highlight about their dialogue is that it takes work for any relationship. Love isn't enough. Trust is essential.** You hear stories of spouses who are in love, but then one of them cheats and the marriage breaks apart. Secrets are generally either found out or become a sore spot, resulting in doubt and the splintering of a relationship. As human beings, we tend to remember the negative things whenever we're in a bad mood, so these things pile up and like this case (e.g., Eren breaking up with Levi, or Levi's rant), the filter comes off and we may (or perhaps may not) say and do things we don't mean. And oftentimes, the consequences are irrevocable.

_Several months later…_

Eren walked hurriedly towards the special operations headquarter of _Survey Corp_. It was how he had finally found Levi. The man had nearly tripled the company’s net worth with a new off-shore mining method.

Grimacing at the pelting rain, he wondered how anyone could survive living in such a place without getting his or her clothes wet. 

  _Levi probably could_ … he thought negatively to himself. Back when they were dating he envied the way Levi had always seemed prepared and able to deal with all kinds of weather. Knowing his former lover, he would bet his entire fortune that Levi probably kept an extra wardrobe at his office. 

But he didn’t know Levi anymore. The thought made Eren’s heart cry in pain, and he had to will himself from thinking so many destructive thoughts. 

Entering the building, he could see his former lover’s touch in the design of the lobby. There was an air of cold sterility left him feeling queasy. The same atmosphere that the apartment had had, before they moved in together.

Heading towards the counter, a corner of his mind noted how ragged he must look in comparison to everyone who worked or did business there. His hair was likely doing it’s own thing as usual, and the bottom half of his pants were nearly socked from the rain that kept being blown his way.

If the receptionist had any qualms about his appearance, however, she was too professional to let it show.

“Can I help you sir?”

“Yes. I’m here to see Levi Ackerman. Is he in?”

She gave him a quizzical glance. Levi’s schedule was probably booked full with business meetings and corporate dinners. But he had tried to pick a time when Levi hopefully wasn’t busy. When they just started dating, Levi had always expressed his annoyance with Wednesday afternoons, saying that he preferred to stay in his office so that he could finally get some of the damned paperwork out of the way.

“And who may I say is asking?”

“Eren Yeager. A… family friend.” In a way he wasn’t lying. Mikasa and Levi were related _somehow_. Between the death of Mikasa’s parents and Levi’s uncle, things had always been complicated between the two of them. Having been in a relationship with Levi didn’t really help ease tensions between the two. Mikasa still loathed the man for all he had put Eren through.

“Just one moment.”

He fidgeted restlessly as she picked up the phone. Would his ex even want to see him? He was visiting unannounced, but he had taken the first flight he could afford out of New York to come here. He was a student, after all.

“Mr. Ackerman, there’s a person here to see you … Yes. I did check your schedule, and no he’s not on here … He said he was a family friend … Eren Yeager.”

He could hear the one-sided conversation going on, could only try and image Levi’s reaction.

“Mr. Ackerman?”

A moment later, she gave him a bewildered glance and whispered.

“Did you drive here?”

He shook his head and pointed at his umbrella.

“No, sir. He walked… Yes… Very well.”

Staring at the phone for a moment, she turned to him and said hesitantly. “Mr. Ackerman told me to inform you that he will be down to see you shortly.”

A few minutes later, Levi came out of the elevator wearing a black pea jacket and scowl. Eren’s mouth hung open as he noticed how much Levi had seemed to age in the last twelve months. His hair was still well-kept, but there were prominent rings were around his eyes and his skin had lost its youthful vigor.

“I’ll take it from here Brzenka.” He nodded at the receptionist. “If anyone asks, tell them I’m done for the day.”

“Certainly and have a nice day Mr. Ackerman.”

The sound of Levi’s voice was so nostalgic and yet so foreign, Eren didn’t know how to react. It was like he was meeting the adult Levi for the first time. Cold and controlled, almost emotionless.

Eren found himself staring at the hard lines on Levi’s face. Exploring the narrow grey eyes, which seemed to hide a myriad of secrets and truths behind them. The black hair that always seemed perfectly in place when the man was awake.

“Well? Are you just going to stare at me, Yeager?”

The name hurt. It felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on his head. It sounded like a stranger was talking to him. Even if calling him by his first name was too intimate, hearing his nickname would have at least made it easier to read the older man’s thoughts.

“Umm… can we talk?” A cool gaze met his and he tried his best not to cringe. “…I mean in private.”

“Fine.” The word seemed force. Harsh. Jarring. Unlike the usual smooth tone he had learned to associate with Levi.

Levi turned and briskly walked to the door. Eren had to jog to keep up, even though his legs were longer.

When they got outside, he realized it had stopped raining and the sun had finally begun peeking out from behind the grey clouds. He heard a colony of seagulls cawing in the distance. From the corner of his eye, he saw Levi light and blow on a cigar. He had never seen him smoke, so it was unexpected.

“So… umm… you smoke now?”

Levi seemed to ignore the question, walking away from the building.

“Levi?”

 “You wanted to talk in private. So talk.” His responses was short.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry… and that I shouldn’t have said what I said. I was just so angry at you. I felt like you didn’t care about _us_ anymore, and so…”

“… is that all?”

“Yes! I mean no!” He tugged at his hair frantically. “This is all so hard and you being you is just making it worse!”

Silence.

Eren looked up to see an annoyed scowl on Levi’s face, before it vanished behind the façade of coldness.

“Tch, I don’t have all day.”

Jean joked that he was a suicidal bastard for wanting to find and ask ‘that shorty’ about it. Even Armin suggested caution. But he didn’t know when he would have another chance to talk to Levi. Hesitantly he pulled the small velvet box out of his pocket. It had weighed heavily on him, each and every day. So innocuous, yet such a salient reminder of what might have been.

“I…umm… wanted to ask you about this.”

The narrow grey eyes widened a bit, before closing and reopening.

“What about it?”

“Is – no, was it for me? I found it the other day when we were at your apartment and took it accidentally…”

There was a poignant silence, before Levi responded.

“Keep it. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s meaningless anyways.”

“But… why didn’t you tell me?”

Levi sighed. He took a long drag from the cigar, seeming to savor the taste before answering.

“Would it have made a difference? You were clearly done with me.”

 “That was –”

“What? ‘A bunch of broken memories?’” he quoted.

“Levi – ” Eren’s voice turned pleading. “I didn’t mean to – ”

“You didn’t mean to what? You didn’t mean to break up on our anniversary? You didn’t mean to ignore all my calls and texts? It certainly seemed like you were bent on forgetting about me until I called.” The anger in his voice was palpitating. The skin on Eren’s arms prickled. “Or maybe it was that you didn’t mean blame me for ‘not loving you enough and treating you second to my work? Or better yet, saying ‘ _I can’t believe how I or anyone could fall in love, let alone be in a relationship with such a tyrannical clean-freak_?’”

He cringed at the exact words he had said thrown at Levi in a fit of anger.

“I never intended that…”

“Really…? It’s been ten months Eren.” The way his name rolled off Levi’s tongue, made him recall all the times Levi had crooned into his ear. He could hear the tiredness in the older man’s voice.

“You changed your number, so I went to your office. But then Erwin said that you needed time… and so I had no way of reaching you…”

“So? That was four, no five months ago after you _dumped_ me. Why then? What made you change your mind and suddenly want to seek me out? You already moved on with that tall, brown haired kid you used to hang out with.”

“Umm…Because of this, maybe?” He gestured at the box in his hand. Levi gave him a dismissive snort.

“Already told you – it’s worthless.”

“Wh-why… how…?”

“I don’t give a shit about what you do with it, Yeager. Hell, sell it and go buy yourself a vacation with that _boytoy_ ,” that word came out in a snarl, “of yours.”

At the reminder of Marco, the guilt only doubled. Marco was a genuinely nice guy. And he had really tried dating him. But with the ring and everything, it was just impossible.

“We broke up…”

There was a poignant pause.

“Should I give a shit?  You fucking ripped my heart out and now you’re crawling back asking me about some piece of metal you found? What else do you want? To have me bleed? To see my heart on a platter?”

“Eww… no.” He grimaced at gory visuals.

“Then what the fuck do you want, Yeager?”

“Umm… I don’t know how to say this, but I really wanted you to know how much I regret everything that’s happened. And that…”

At the impatient stare, he rushed on.

“… and that I wake up every morning and think about you. Wishing I could erase the things I’ve said. Wondering about whether you’ve found someone else and moved on… And if you haven’t… I mean I know we’re not together, and I don’t know how, but I was thinking that somehow, maybe, I could make it up to you? If you’ll let me, of course…”

Meekly he peered upwards to see Levi’s reaction. The man seemed to have reigned in his emotions once more.

“And how would you propose we do that?”

“Err… maybe we could just be friends or something and talk over coffee?” At Levi’s raised brow, he bit his bottom lip. “I just want to make things right again. I don’t want you to hate me, and maybe if friends was too much… we could just talk?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you were still in love with me and that you’re asking for a second chance…” He saw Levi hesitate. “But we both know that’s not true… hell you’re the one that wanted out.”

Honestly, he had never thought that far. After their break up, all he remember was being so upset and angry at all the broken promises and lame excuses, that he blatantly scowled at any and all mention of Levi. And then Marco came around, and Eren was just so glad to have someone actually put him first, unlike Levi, that he felt like he had finally gotten over the older man. Then, there was that incident with the ring, which made him feel so guilty and immature. And slightly hurt that Levi never mentioned it. Then there Erwin telling him about how Levi was gone and that the trail of broken promises was made for a good reason, which only him wonder why the hell he had treated the person he loved so harshly. But then, he could still remember the rapid beating of his heart when he finally found a lead on his ex. The slight twinge of joy at the first piece of news of the man, and the insidious fear of rejection that had crept in.

“I… um…”

Was still in love with Levi? He couldn’t figure out the jumble of guilt, fear, and joy he felt at being next to the man. Eren certainly didn’t hate the man as much as he had originally believed, and he knew now that he had never been second in Levi’s heart. His ex was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time and cared too much for those around him.

Had he even stopped loving the man?

At the question, Eren felt himself freeze. He had tried forgetting about Levi. And he had succeeded for a while since he didn’t really hear or see the man. But then there were the times when he woke up depressed after dreaming about the older man. He remembered all the times they joked about flying off to a deserted island, to escape away from all their meddlesome friends and family. But then his thoughts turned negative. Wondering how he was doing. Worrying about whether he was overworking. Feeling anxious at the thought of not someone else lying in those arms, eating those home-cooked meals, sharing that clean apartment.

Yes, he had been so angry that it felt akin to hate, but below it all, the idea of Levi being with someone else filled him with jealousy and rage. He felt like he could almost commit murder if that happened. It jolted him out of his reverie.

No, he had never stopped. Levi was and had always been a beating part of him.

Looking up, something in his eyes might have given him away, as his former lover narrowed his eyes and scoffed.

“Tch, whatever. Let’s say that you are still in love with me. What are you asking for? A second chance to screw me over and dump me? Or maybe you just want a goodbye fuck.” Levi’s eyes became impossibly narrow, flashing with anger, and Eren trembled in fear.

“No! I wouldn’t do that!”

“What then?”

“Umm… I haven’t really thought about that…”

He heard Levi mutter something along the lines of ‘of course not, shitty brat’ under his breath.

“I just wanted to be able to talk to you again… I didn’t know if you would be okay with seeing me again.”

“Of course I’d like to meet with the retard who told me they didn’t want to meet…” he rolled his eyes. “Then what? Tea breaks? Friends? Lovers?” Suddenly Levi’s eyes flashed silver. For the first time in the conversation, he could see the quiet despair, the sorrow, the devastation, and the boiling fury. He took a step backwards.

“Do you know how hard it was to forget you?” Eren shook his head. “I picked up the phone that night and you fucking told me that we were over and that you never loved me! Then, when I’m finally getting over the fact, you come waltzing back in with your fucking apologies, trying to act as if you weren’t the one who ended it all. What am I supposed to say? ‘Sure let’s grab coffee.’ Or ‘I still love you, so want to get back together?’ Tell me, Eren!”

“You still love me…?” He heart beat rapidly at the declaration. He had thought that Levi would have gotten over him.

“What do you think? How do you think it feels to see the person you love with someone else? Why the fuck else would I move to Seattle?”

Before he could respond, Levi cut him off.

“Just leave Eren. I’m tired of this. I loved – no, love you, but I can’t do this anymore. I was fine before you came and turned my life upside down.” At the sight of Eren’s mouth opening, he raised his hand to silenced the youth.  “I’m not blaming you. Those days with you were the … happiest in my life. I thought… well after Kenny, I never believed I could even hope to be with someone. Hange and Erwin, sure I trust them, but they also know when not to push too hard. I let you in Eren… and you left. The same way Kenny used to leave and come back days later, saying it was ‘one time’, but then he’d leave again… until finally he never returned. I love you, but I just can’t … not with you… not with anyone else…”

At the end of his short speech, one could see the glistening of tears in Levi’s eyes and hear the pain in his voice. See how broken the man was. His shoulders were hunched over, as if carrying a large weight. The normally formidable man, who looked like he could stare down the worst of men and commandeer an army, seemed smaller than his already short height. He always knew that Levi had issues due to his uncle, but Eren had never fully understood how they affected him until now. Or what he had done.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Levi…” he whispered, eyes blurred with salt and water.

“I…Goodbye Levi…”

Clutching the small box, he walked away, heading for the crosswalk, without really seeing the pair of grey eyes watching him. The velvet felt coarse in his hand. Distantly, he noted the bird, or was it birds, he couldn’t really tell, on the other side of the street.

Stepping on the road, all he was thinking about was how he wished he could undo everything on that night. The despair in Levi’s voice echoed in his ears.

The next thing he heard was Levi screaming his name?

Blearily, he tried looking up, but he felt a weight push him aside. Then there was a terrible crash and the sound of screaming.

Blinking his tears away, he realized he was the one screaming. When he finally opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the blood. Not his blood.

Following the trail, his mind was in a whirl as he dully noted the acrid smell of smoke. And there, lying on the ground was a familiar mop of dark hair that was normally neat and combed.

He screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it's a cliff hanger.... but the endings are up! Again... if you're not into angst skip the next chapter and go onto Chapter 4.
> 
> Also, for those that didn't get it... Levi's mom died when he was young. He got taken in by his uncle, who he bonded with. But his uncle kept leaving and finally left him completely (similar to SnK). The result, however, was that he's afraid to trust others and after Eren's departure, he's both heart-broken and also has lost the little faith and trust he had.


	3. The Aftermath ("True Ending")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again! This is the angst-filled ending! Just character death here...

“…the first time I met Levi was when I was eight and he was fifteen. Back then he was still taller than me, and I thought he was the most stuck-up and snobbish person I had ever met. But somehow things changed and he became my everything – he was my best friend, my lover, my enemy at times, of course only when I didn’t clean things right…” Eren smiled at the thought and there was a small chuckle from the crowd. Probably Hange. 

“…I know you weren’t the most open person, nor were you the most forthright. Many would describe you as a cold, uncaring, clean freak, maybe even violent. Your actions didn’t always make sense, but your intentions were always there. But those of us who claim to know you – myself included – would say that you’re simply a private person. You’d much rather sit and read a book, rather than go to the beach. Your words were always harsh, and your compliments seemed like things we would say on an everyday basis. But I’m sure that the reason why there are so many of us here today, is because we all knew that in your heart of hearts, you cared. I’m sure you’d frown and be disgusted at all the warm words used to describe you, but I hope that at perhaps now you’ll have the wings you always dreamed of Levi…” 

* * *

_5 years later…_  

A brown haired man laid a bouquet of white lilies in front of the tombstone that read: 

 **Levi Ackerman**  
Short, but loved.  
May you rest in peace,  
With wings of freedom behind you.

He clasped his hands in tightly and looked up at the sky. 

 _Hey Levi, it’s been 5 years. I might have already told you, or perhaps you already knew from your place up above us, but Erwin, Hange, and I decided to start something in your name. If you were here, you’d probably scoff and frown at the idea, but it only seemed fitting, given what you’ve achieved and the lives you’ve touched._  

 _Here’s something you probably haven’t heard. Mikasa got married last month and Jean’s my brother-in-law now. I can only imagine what you might have said. You would have been his uncle after all. She kept her own name of course. They’ve even joked about naming their first child after you, though I’m not too sure if that would be a good thing. I wish you could have seen it, but maybe it’s good you didn’t. I thought of you during the whole ceremony, wondering if we might have had something similar years ago, if I hadn’t been so stubborn._  

 _I hope you’re free up there Levi. I know you always dreamed of unending pure skies and calm. I still remember the days when you would sip your tea and look out the window. You know, I still dream of you Levi. I wake up and sometimes I feel as if you’re right beside me, but I open my eyes and you’re not there. I know you’ve been gone for five, and it’s been more than eight years since we last properly talked… I think a part of me died when you did. I know you wouldn’t want me to live my life full of regrets. You’d probably whack me on the head and call me a brat, but call me stupid, I don’t think I can move on._  

 _You were my first love, first kiss, first everything. After all these years, it’s beginning to get harder and harder to remember your grey eyes, the feel of your undercut, your soft laughter. And honestly, the thought of that terrifies me. I know it’s stupid to do so, but I keep hoping that somewhere, sometime, we’ll meet again and for once…_  

His phone buzzed and the man stood up to check his messages. Seeing that he was going to be late for lunch with his sister, he reluctantly walked away. 

“Hey mister!” A child’s voice jerked him out of his reverie as he walked down the hill. “Is this the place where Mr. Levi Ackerman rests?” 

The brunette smiled at the pronunciation of Levi’s name as “levy”. It had been a long time since he had heard someone else mispronouncing his former lover’s name. “Yes?” he pointed a finger in the direction he came from. 

“Thanks!” she skipped off before he would say anything more. 

He saw a young blonde woman come up the stairs and head his direction. 

“I’m so sorry about that. It’s her first time here and she wanted to say thank you to the person who saved her life all those years ago.”  

“Umm…Wh-” The brunette croaked. 

“Well six years ago I was finishing my fashion degree in New York. Things were pretty difficult back then – my fiancée had just left me, my family was living in Texas, and the August heatwave didn’t help. I almost fainted on the middle of the road, and Mr. Ackerman was so kind to drive me to a hospital. He paid for everything, the hospital room, operation, and the emergency costs that came along with a premature baby. I knew he was busy with something, having that Tiffany bag and roses in the backseat and all, but he insisted on staying until after the paperwork and everything was settled. He didn’t even tell me his name; I only found out a year ago after seeing the news release with his picture about the  _Ackerman Foundation_.” 

“I see…” His eyes watered. He had always wondered why there was a 2 hour gap between the last timestamped receipt and before  _that_  phone call. Levi had never explained and he never had the chance to ask. He vaguely remembered being unable to reach his lover on the phone and by the time it had finally connected, he had been fed up with it. 

The foundation was something that he proposed, but really it was all Erwin and Hange. Thinking about Levi was still too painful, given the history between them. He could still hear the last words that had passed through those lips, see the widening of Levi’s eyes as he pushed him out of harm’s way.

“Were you two close?” 

He could only nod. What else could he say? That the little girl he had seen moments ago was the reason that they had broken up. Maybe even the reason why Levi was dead? She was innocent. It was mere coincidence and Levi’s desire to help others less fortunate that things had turned out the way they had. “Levi was… one of my best friends.” 

“I’m sorry. I was never able to thank him properly.” The blonde nodded smiled sadly. “He seemed like a nice man. A little short, but nice.” 

“He wouldn’t have liked it if you said he was short.” He chuckled. The sound seemed harsh from a lack of use. 

“I tried naming her after him, you know,” He shook his head. “But he simply said that naming a child after him wasn’t very fortuitous.” 

“Only Levi would say something like that. He never liked how people would joke about how he was named after  _Levi’s._ If you don’t mind my asking, what did you name her after?” 

“Mummy!” Before she would respond, her daughter’s voice rang out.  

“One moment, Erin!” He blinked at the sound of his name. 

“He told me to name it after his hopefully soon-to-be fiancée.” She replied hurriedly. “Frankly, I was surprised when the newscast said he had never married. From what he had told me, it sounded like it was a match made in heaven. With all those bizarre names out there, I had him spell it out for me, but I never managed to figure out whether there was a second ‘e’ or ‘i’, and E-r-i-n seemed more natural for a girl.” 

“I found it mummy!” 

“Sorry, I need to go before she does something silly.” She turned and smiled apologetically at him. “It was nice chatting with you.”

“That’s okay. Nice talking to you too.” He smiled back as she walked away hastily. “Young lady, what did I tell you about yelling and running off! It’s very disrespectful!” 

He could feel the tears forming. Levi  _had_  intended to marry him. He  _had_  left work early to be on time. It wasn’t Levi’s fault that the hospitals didn’t allow cell phones. He would have done the same if he had been in Levi’s shoes. The only difference would have been that whereas he had threw a fit and broke up with Levi, Levi wouldn’t have done the same thing. He would have been angry, but he rarely made decisions on a whim. 

Eren looked back up at the blue sky and thought back on the last few years of his life. In a sense he was freer than he had ever been. He was single, fairly well off financially, and he had a loving caring family. He could travel if he wanted to, he could dance, sing, skydive, an all those other things people had on their bucket list. 

But without a certain person beside him, those wings he had always dreamed of having were not wings at all. Like those on the ring they found in the crash, they were a reminder of the sacrifice and life that was lost. He had felt freer ten years ago when Levi was still around and nagging him about doing and folding the laundry. 

But it was too late. 

His first love, probably only love, was buried three feet below the ground and all the regrets in the world would never make things right. 

A single teardrop fell onto the ground.

Somewhere in the sky, a lone black-tipped blue feather drifted down slowly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I had to put in the little jab about his height on the grave. Probably Hange and all those who really care, but would like to tease him about his height! Also, SnK reference right there!
> 
> Hope it's not too sad. I wanted to ameliorate it by talking about the legacy that was left behind. Again... feathers, birds, skies, and flying! *nudge, nudge* (at the last few lines)


	4. Why did I even marry you again? ("Good Ending")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and smut and a jealous Eren!
> 
>  **Again for any relationship to work out, you need to trust your partner and communicate with them.** It's why this pairing _was_ able to get back together, although I still strongly feel that Chapter 3 is the true ending. After all, when a person fears and has been abandoned before by their loved ones, it leaves a wound behind, which sometimes is not easy to overcome.

“…the first time I met Levi was when I was eight and he was fifteen. Back then he was still taller than me, and I thought he was the most stuck-up and snobbish person I had ever met. At one point, I idolized him. But somehow things changed and he became my everything – my best friend, my lover, my enemy at times, of course only when he thought I didn’t clean things right…” Eren smiled at the thought and there were a few chuckles from the crowd. He ignored the silver-grey eyes burning into him, promising retribution if he said too much. 

“We’ve had our disagreements, arguments, even broken up once, mainly due to my stubbornness, and I know there’ll be more fights and that I might not always meet your cleaning standards, but I don’t think I would have it any other way. I promise to always be there for you, the same way you’re always there for you. Three little words can’t convey how much you mean to me. Saying ‘I love you’ seems so finite and closed, but you’re more than that to me, Levi. You’re the wings on my back, the chains tethering me to this world, the light to my shadow… I could go on, but I’ll just end with this. Levi, once I dreamed of being your equal, and then it turned into being  _with_ you. I fell in love with you back when I was still eighteen and you were twenty-five and I’ve never fallen out of it…” 

He sat down and smiled as his new husband jabbed him the arm, his ears flush with embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

 _5 years later…_  

The brunette sighed as he looked up at the clock. It was their wedding anniversary and he would be peeved if his husband was late  _yet again_. He wasn’t as hot-headed as he was after he had nearly ruined their relationship, but he couldn’t help but be a little annoyed. It had taken them weeks and lots of small steps to rebuild the trust they once had. Their friends had suggested therapy for couples and after the first few sessions, Levi had just stormed off. But after that, they had learned to slowly open up and be freer with each other. Eren was no longer as stubborn and Levi was surprisingly clingy at times. They made time for weekly dates, which sometimes simply comprised of staying at home and watching a movie or curling up together after cleaning the whole house from top to bottom. At least once a month, they went out someplace nice to eat, Eren was a gourmand and Levi was happy to oblige since those places were ‘suitably clean.’

This time was a bit more special. Eren had even worn a suit for it. To celebrate, they had made reservations at this new steakhouse Eren had been dying to try out, and Levi had promised that nothing was going to stop him, short of being in a car crash. The thought of his husband being in another accident send tremors down him. He still had nightmares of Levi dying in a horrible accident, never to get a chance to apologize, a second chance to be together… 

Just then, his phone buzzed and he picked it up, only to hear his husband. A small sigh of relief filled him and he stopped playing with the winged diamond ring on his hand. It was a habit he had picked up after they had gotten back together. He was glad the ring hadn’t been damaged in the accident; it reflected perfectly how he felt about the two of them. 

“Hey Eren, I’m sorry, but I’ll be home in less than five minutes. I got caught up in traffic.” 

“Levviii–” he couldn’t help the small whine that spilled out. “It’s our anni-” 

Just then, the doorbell rang. 

“Hang on, someone’s at the door.”  

Dismayed that his husband was late yet again, he went to open his door, only to be assaulted in the face with a flood of red roses. Levi’s voice came from behind the bouquet and Eren heard the phone call disconnect. “Happy anniversary darling.” 

“Levi! Welcome back!” 

He threw his arms around his lover, crushing the flowers between them. Eren felt lips press against his, and he opened his mouth to feel Levi’s warm tongue slide in. Unwillingly, he broke away from the kiss. Grabbing the flowers, he walked towards the kitchen. 

“I’m going to put these in the water, and then we should probably head out before we’re late.” 

Before he could take another step, arms wrapped him from behind and Levi’s smooth, chocolately whispered into his ear.  

“I missed you Eren,” he felt Levi’s lips lightly run over his nape. “Do we have to go out and eat? I’m sure we both know a better  _way_  to celebrate our anniversary.” 

He felt Levi’s groin press against his ass and he ground back unconsciously. Realizing what his husband was trying to do, he whirled around, slapping the wandering hands, to see a small smirk. 

“Levi! We’ve been waiting to try this place for weeks!” 

“Fine,” he smiled as the dark-haired man pouted and walked to the door. “But if I see someone else eye-fucking you like last year, we’re coming straight home.” 

Walking out and locking the door behind him, Eren tried to digest what Levi had told him. 

“What were you talking about? Is that why we’ve never gone back to  _Le Bernardin_ even though it was one of your favorite places?” 

Bewildered sea-green eyes met narrow grey ones that seemed to stare drolly back which seemed to communicate ‘no shit brat’ as they got into the Mercedes. 

“You have no clue how fucking hot you were moaning at every bite of that filet mignon. If we weren’t illegal, I would have pushed you down right there and fucked you in front of all of those bastards to show them who you really belong to.” The shorter man growled, sending a jolt of arousal down to Eren’s cock. 

“So that’s why my ass was sore for a whole week…” he muttered to himself softly. Of course, in the quiet din of the stopped vehicle, Levi overheard him. 

“We both know how you love your  _wifely duties_ , Eren. And how much you love being lovingly stuffed with my cock and filled with cum.” 

“Levi!” He did enjoy sex with his husband, but some of the things Levi said were so embarrassing, he was surprised the man wasn’t turning red. He had long since given up on Levi calling him  _wife_. It was a turn-on at times, but just plain embarrassing otherwise. Burying his face into his hands, he blushed furiously. 

“Why did I even marry you again…?”

 

Later that evening, as they basked in their post-coital bliss, Eren frowned. This time, he had found one of the waitresses staring at Levi all night long. Of course Levi noticed and ignored her, but he couldn’t help but feel slighted. Levi was obviously married to  _him_ , and that little blonde slut thought she could steal him away by shoving her tits into his face while his  _husband_  present. 

And of course, being jealous and ruled by his dick, the moment they returned home he pushed Levi onto the bed and rode him until his legs gave out. Levi being Levi, of course had taken that as a sign to make love to his  _wife_  in as many ways as possible. 

“Hey Levi,” his voice was hoarse from all the screaming and he could still feel the stickiness inside his lower passage. He would have bruises along his hips for a month at least. 

“Hmm?” 

“I think you’re going to have to call to tell them I’m not going into work tomorrow.” 

Eren heard a chuckle and blearily opened his eyes. “What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, love. I already told them a month ago that you would be taking a week off.” 

“I hate you sometimes.” He murmured into a pale muscled shoulder. He would have punched Levi if he wasn’t so worn out. 

“I love you too, brat.” He felt lips press against his forehead as he began drifting off. 

“Love you too…” 

That night, he dreamed of wings, of flying, of soaring across the open air. For a moment he was ecstatic at the open skies, the freedom, until he realized that the most important person who showed him the path wasn’t there. He was frantic and searched, until he noticed that his lover was resting on the ground peacefully smiling and waiting for him. It didn’t matter that he was earth-bound, as he flew towards the soft smile and grey eyes. 

Without his lover, he was lost in those empty skies. Levi was his anchor, the safe harbor when he was lost at sea. The thin red string tying them together was a manifestation of both the chains that bound them, and the unsaid promises that lingered. 

As the morning sun rose in the far off distance, two birds – one pure white with brown feather tips, the other dark blue with black tips – could be seen flying together towards the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me to the end! Hope this offsets any tear-jerking moments from Chapter 3.
> 
> Sorry if there are grammar or just weird sentences. Sometimes when I go back and read over, I skip things and make really dumb mistakes even if English is my first language...
> 
> Would have made this whole thing a bit longer, but with life and other things to write, I felt like keeping it short and sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> Working on chapter 2 now... I have it all written in my head; just have to write the words now!
> 
> The endings are already done, so it'll all be out hopefully soon!
> 
> Comments are welcome and this really isn't too thoroughly edited (did some myself, but grammar was never my strength...)


End file.
